"I'll never grow up...."

I can't help but think about that song from Annie, "If growing up means it would be against my dignity to climb a tree I won't grow up..."

These last few months have been the biggest growing up I have ever done and sometimes I wonder if I really want to grow up. While yes I want the perks of being an adult and having responsibility in society I can't help but look back on some of the things I have to leave behind. Its a bittersweet trade off but one that everyone has to make at some point in there life.

In these last few months, I have had to cope with living on my own for the first time in my life. That is definitely different than living at home with your parents. Not that I would say that being on your own is a bad thing because it is not really its just different, very different. And with any change there must be time for adjustment.

I really notice this growing up when I had to limit my ability and commitment to Yuletide in the Country at the museum because of school. While I'm excited to be taking the steps to become a nurse and I cannot wait to learn what is needed to be a great nurse. There was a lot of times when I wanted to run away from the work. Yuletide in the Country has always been one of my favorite parts of Christmas in which you get to step into the past with friends and truly experience Christmas in the past. What I learned from this year is that you don't have to give up the things of your childhood but rather take the time to grow up to enjoy things from a different perspective.

I was able to do just that this year. This year instead of just being a part of the dance scene like I have in the past I was able to start as a tour guide in training. What this was supposed to mean is that I would shadow experienced guides to see how they handled tour guiding learn things along the way and next year I would become a guide. Since I am a lot younger than most of the guides it made sense to do it this way. However do to some unfortunate events I was needed to take over as a guide of a tour. I had one tour in which I was the guide but there was an experienced guide on the tour in order to make sure that if I needed anything I could ask. Later that night I was able to take my first tour out solo. I don't think I will every forget the feeling of being handed my own lantern and the list of people on the tour and sent on my way. That's what I think growing up is. Being able to still appreciate things but taking them on in new meaning. So yes during the whole month of December I did not want to be in my dorm room studying, I can appreciate growing up.